One item that hasn't made the headlines is the fact that the new First Lady of New York has a different last name than her husband. And really, it shouldn't make the news. Many people getting married in recent years choose not to have the same last name as their spouse. People keep their "birth surnames" for work or myriad other personal reasons. This Cosmo article talks about current reasons for changing or not changing a last name.
When I got married in 1995, I didn't change my name. It was not a topic of discussion between my soon-to-be-husband and me. Honestly, I probably would not have married someone whose had a strong desire for me to take his last name. In any case, it just never came up.
About ten minutes after we were married, while we were having some outdoor photos taken, I was "pleasantly" accosted by several wedding guests. "Did you know Claudia isn't changing her last name?" one asked. "Oh, you're not one of those NOW women are you?" the other asked. And the finale, "Won't it be confusing for your children?" I, not sure how to respond without being rude, kept smiling for the camera and tried to ignore them. Just to be clear, I did not have any children at the time.
Looking back, the thing that bothered me most about those comments was that the two people involved never actually asked me why I wasn't changing my name.
If they had asked I would have said that I like my last name. It is unique and there are few of us left using it. It gives me a connection to grandparents I didn't know, family history I didn't experience, and religion and tradition I hope to carry on. When I was a little girl, I felt sad for my mother, watching her sign a check, that she had to change her name when she married. I don't think I translated that into ideas about my own name and marriage at the time, but the feeling stayed with me.
There was really nothing political or feminist in my choice. Don't get me wrong, any woman who appreciates the right to vote and own property should consider herself a feminist. Did you know Greece (the country) has a law requiring all women to keep their birth surname? Read about that here.
My children do have my husband's last name. And at times people are unsure which last name to use for me. Sometimes I use my husband's last name for convenience, sometimes I use both names. It all works out and people know who I am. My kids know who they are and they know who their parents are.
And 18 years later I am still happy with my choice.
